Archive for the 'Humor' Category

Hooptie Bling - Defined

Published
by
malagent
on April 10, 2007
in Humor
. 0 Comments

Sometime back I started a website (hooptiebling.com) and never really finished it, imagine that. One of these days I will get motivated again and step up the development on it. However, for now I am posting the definition that is the basis for the site Hooptie Bling site.  The difinition is also posted at Urban Dictionary as well, F’N Yay!!

1.      hooptie bling

Hooptie + Bling - Refers to extraneous, unnecessary, typically obnoxious accessories that far exceed the value of the vehicle in cost. Hooptie bling would include but is not limited to: $4000 wheels on a 1980 Honda Civic; $2500 in dash DVD player in a ‘95 GEO Metro; multi screen car audio entertainment center with, in playstation and DVD changer installed in a $215 Ford Escort whose owner also felt overwhelming inclined to place a set of $4500 24 inch spinners on as well even though it barely runs and has a cardboard window held in place with staples and duct tape. Do not confuse hooptie bling with a vehicle that has been riced, although similar in stupidity, these two cultural phenomenons typical clash, as their respective enthusiasts do not agree on much more than the insatiable desire to spend thousands of dollars on useless junk for hoopties that barely run.

T Spent 37 months of McDonalds pay checks on hooptie bling so he could get a hoochie!

So Much for Easter!

Published
by
malagent
on April 9, 2007
in Humor and Mail bag
. 0 Comments

Easter BunnyMillions of people all over the world are saddened by the bunny’s gruesome demise. Panic spreads across the country, as the reality sinks in - It’s all over now.

Thanks Erin.

Being Late For Work…

Published
by
malagent
on March 13, 2007
in Humor
. 0 Comments

He just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day, 5, 10 minutes late. But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the Boss was in a quandary about what to do about it. Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk.
“Bill, I have to tell you, I like your work ethics, but your being late often is bothersome.’
“Yes, I know Boss, and I’m working on it.”
“Well good. That’s what I like to hear. It’s odd though, your coming in late. I know you’re retired from the Navy. What did they say if you came in late there?”
“They said, “Good morning, Admiral.”

I Owe My Mother

Published
by
malagent
on February 12, 2007
in Humor and Mail bag
. 3 Comments

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE…
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION…
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL…
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My mother taught me LOGIC…
” Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC…
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT…
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My mother taught me IRONY…
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS…
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM…
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA…
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER…
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY…
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE…
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION…
“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY…
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION…
“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING…
“You are going to get it when you get home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE…
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP…
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My mother taught me …
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT…
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS…
“You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS…
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me about WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

And my favorite:

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE…
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.”

Calm down damnit!

Published
by
malagent
on February 8, 2007
in Apple, Arab, Humor, Stupidity, Video and iPod
. 1 Comment

There is no point to this other than it is funny as hell. So don’t try to analyze the meaning, just laugh your ass off like I did.

Okay, now that I think about it, if they hate America so much and our way of life, - Whats with the iPod?

Carmageddon UPS Video

Published
by
malagent
on February 3, 2007
in Humor, Video and Video Games
. 0 Comments

Short of a truck driving around and running into things and pedestrians. Since this was posted on it has become fairly popular. Perhaps it explains the mysterious dents, dings, rips, and scuffs on the packages when you finally get them?



Continue reading ‘Carmageddon UPS Video’

C-141

Published
by
malagent
on February 2, 2007
in Humor and Mail bag
. 0 Comments

An Air  Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at
midnight. During the pilot’s preflight check, he discovers that the
latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is
sent to the base and an airman who was off duty is called out to take
care of it.

The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the
aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors
and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which
takes even more time.

He returns to the aircraft and is less than
enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the
pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as not to risk
criticism later.

As he’s leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says, “Son, your
attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late and I’m going
to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded but punished.”

Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands
up tall and says, “Sir, with all due respect, I’m not your son; I’m an
Airman in the United States Air Force. I’ve been in Thule, Greenland, for
11 months without any leave, and reindeers’ asses are beginning to look
pretty good to me. I have one stripe; it’s two-thirty in the morning, the
temperature is 40 degrees below zero, and my job here is to pump shit out
of an aircraft.

Now, just exactly what form of punishment did you have in
mind?”

If Microsoft Made the iPods…

Published
by
malagent
on October 11, 2006
in Apple, Humor, Parody, Spoof, Video, iPod and iStuff
. 0 Comments

It’s a good thing they don’t. However, this does a very good job of illustrating why I love Apple and hate Microsoft.

Please comment…