Millions of people all over the world are saddened by the bunny’s gruesome demise. Panic spreads across the country, as the reality sinks in - It’s all over now.
Thanks Erin.
Archive for the 'Mail bag' Category
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE…
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
2. My mother taught me RELIGION…
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL…
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
4. My mother taught me LOGIC…
” Because I said so, that’s why.”
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC…
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT…
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
7. My mother taught me IRONY…
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS…
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM…
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA…
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER…
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY…
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE…
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION…
“Stop acting like your father!”
15. My mother taught me about ENVY…
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION…
“Just wait until we get home.”
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING…
“You are going to get it when you get home!”
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE…
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”
19. My mother taught me ESP…
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
20. My mother taught me HUMOR…
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me”
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT…
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
22. My mother taught me GENETICS…
“You’re just like your father.”
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS…
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
24. My mother taught me about WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
And my favorite:
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE…
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.”
An Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at
midnight. During the pilot’s preflight check, he discovers that the
latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is
sent to the base and an airman who was off duty is called out to take
care of it.
The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the
aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors
and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which
takes even more time.
He returns to the aircraft and is less than
enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the
pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as not to risk
criticism later.
As he’s leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says, “Son, your
attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late and I’m going
to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded but punished.”
Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands
up tall and says, “Sir, with all due respect, I’m not your son; I’m an
Airman in the United States Air Force. I’ve been in Thule, Greenland, for
11 months without any leave, and reindeers’ asses are beginning to look
pretty good to me. I have one stripe; it’s two-thirty in the morning, the
temperature is 40 degrees below zero, and my job here is to pump shit out
of an aircraft.
Now, just exactly what form of punishment did you have in
mind?”
Say what?